Naming Mallu Kids!!!

My blog would have been incomplete had it not been for my bro, Aby, forwarding me this piece about the group of people that you'd find even on the moon... Ever wondered how mallu parents select names for their kids... well, read on and find out!!! This one is a tribute to all the mallu kids on the planet!!!

Statutory warning: If you are not South Indian it might be pointless reading further.
Extra Statutory warning: If you are a Mallu with the pride of Kerala in you, DON'T read any further.

It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish this classified mallu formula, on the naming of mallu kids.

1. Select a combination of both the mother and fathers names. Eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a 'mon' (meaning son) or 'mol' (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Jobimon.

3. To attach a modern anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl. (Blogger's Note: I think I'll fall into this category!)

4. For the politically correct Keralite family, Mol and Mon can be replaced by the universal 'Kutty'(child), which can be used for both boys and girls! Eg: Jokutty, Susikutty

Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo

However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. Eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn't even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!), then:

a. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene

c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar! Use one that even Velliammachi can pronounce!) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo!

Note: The use of the letter 'j' is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo.

And finally for all those, who raised and is continuing to raise their eyebrows when they hear my name... here's something that might make sense: Blessed+Son= Blessen. As I was the younger son, my parents I was a blessing..... So...