The Predicament of a Mallu Girl...

Before I start this blog, for those who’d be chancing upon this blog for the first time, I am a mallu – and a proud one at that. Very importantly though for you to note is that, I ain’t a beautiful mallu babe, quite the contrary – I am an ugly pot-belly developing typical mallu guy who has that accent when he is told to pronounce ‘horse’. The ‘experiences’ mentioned in this post comes from the encounters that I’ve had with my female mallu friends.

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My name is Mercy (pronounced Mézhsee, the sound of ‘zh’ is a unique attribute of a mallu, so don’t try). I did my pre-degree (that’s 12^th/HSc in Mumbai) from Liddlle (Little) Flaaour (Flower) High School, afder (after) which I was made to wride (write) an endranss (entrance) for B Yus C Nezhsing (BSc Nursing). It was a madder (matter) of laif (life) and death. My paarends (parents) would scare me saying that if I didn’t pass, no good bois (boys) from Amerigga (America) will come to marry you. Now, that is a very big insendive (incentive) – not for me, but for my papa and mummy! Nezhsing (Nursing) wasn’t however their first choice. They wanted to mage (make) me a Dogtor (Doctor), but thank GOD that my brayins (brains) were not good enough to make me one!

So, indeed, I passed the endranss and my papa paid a few lags (lakhs) Rubees (rupees). Finally I was a Nezhsing student. I comblleted (completed) the degree with a good amound (amount) of success. After my 2 years of bond at that stupidd (stupid) HhOspotall (Hospital), I gave my I Yee Yell Tee Yus (IELTS) exam. But during that time, I got an obbortunity (opportunity) to go Gellf (Gulf). I yearned (earned) loadds (lots) of money by worging (working) in the Minisdry (Ministry) Hosbitall in Dubbei (Dubai). I sent back some money to my paarends in Gerella (Kerala). They are right now billding (building) a big bungllo (bungalow) type house back in Pattazhi Junction. We will have a sit-out where my sisters Plensy and Dincy can study in peace for their Nezhsing.

After I reach a (marri-yageabblle (marriageable) age, which agjually (actually) for Malayalee paarends start the momend we compleded Nezhsing, my reladives (relatives) from far and wide, whom I never knew existed and cared for me so much, will start bringing probosalls (proposals) for me from Yengineer (Engineer) Bois from Ameriga – the ultimade land of dreamss for many malayalees – so much so that some will trade heaven for Ameriga! Laif (life) is all about adjestments (adjustments), a wise mallu once said, and as my friends say, they are habby seeing their hubby once in a fortnight! For when their hubby walks home from office, they are already in hosbitall for their night shift and vice versa! Afder oll, It’s all about adjestments!

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Disclaimer: If the characters and facts mentioned in this blog has a resemblance to any mallu girl- living or dead- it’s purely ‘non-coincidental’ and has birthed from the fact the blogger is a mallu, who has encountered many of his friends and relatives going through this. However, none of my mallu friends have an accent like the one I mentioned above. A salute to all my nursing friends – and this ain’t sacrcasm, for I really cannot do what you guys are doing!)