A Mumbai that is India

As a school going kid, one essay that I remember writing was ‘My neighbours.’ Although there was nothing truthful about that essay (and it wasn’t even ‘original) as I brought in flavours of nationalism to it. In the essay (if I remember correctly), my neighbors was a Southie who spoke too much, a Northie who ate too much, an Eastie and a Westie who am sure did something too which I don’t recollect.

This post may sound jingoistic, but then just couldn’t help but notice the diverse nature of India while on my way to office in the local train, bringing back memories of that not-so-original essay that I’d written about a decade and a half back! 

Sitting next to me was a Sardarji with a pagadi and two smart-phones, checking out all the news and events in the news websites on both the phones. 

In front of me, towards the right was a gentleman with a skull cap and a smart kurta-pyjama, also checking out his phone! 

Facing me was a guy who had the last traces of paan in his mouth with his eyes closed reciting some mantras (I guess!).

And me, a Christian, saying a word of prayer, as the train reached close to my destination – renamed (around the time I wrote the essay) after a famous Maratha King from a famous English Queen!

That’s Mumbai. That’s India. At the end of the day, it’s all about existence (read co-existence) and earning one’s bread. Not about any nonsense like ‘spirit of Mumbai.’

Station Names in Mumbai

Growing up in Mumbai can make one get used to a lot of things – ‘names of stations’ would be one such thing. Until, that is, a new visitor to the city gives you those weird expressions when you take these names- expressions that would push Mr. Bean to the second spot. While these station-names have an interesting history behind them (at least a few of them do), a majority of them  are weird and funny! Let’s explore a few…

Diva Junction: Whoever named this station must have had a lot of hope. If this was the only station left on planet earth, you would still struggle to find a single ‘diva’ in Diva! A couple of years back, you would have been lucky to find a soul here, other than a couple of canines.

Andheri: The name is as ironic as the behaviour of the place. Andheri could possibly be the brightest part of Mumbai. From my weird logic, those who christened this station must have actually meant it for Diva. This could be a case like that of ‘The-Taj-Hotel-Architecture-goof-up’.

Badlapur: Roughly translated to ‘Revenge-town’. Need I say more?

Goregoan: This is one racist station!

Charni Road: You won’t find any mangers here. Not unless Christmas is around and Christians start making those tiny ones in the area.

Ambernath: Master of Brownish Yellow. More racism! And to say that Goregoan and Ambernath are at two different sides of the city, I cry conspiracy!

Ulhasnagar: Happy Town! Considering all the filth around in this town, people should be honoured with a President’s Medal merely for surviving there, let alone being happy!

Currey Road: Now this is one name that would fit to any Indian station.

Chinchpokli: ‘Chinch’ means tamarind in Marathi. But I am told there are no tamarind trees nearby. In Mumbai, consider yourself blessed if you find trees at all! (Ok, I am exaggerating here)

King’s Circle: This one’s for the royalty. I would love to live here, merely for the name it possesses.

Wadala: Sure.

Sandhurst Road: For some strange reason, many folks just can’t the pronunciation right for this one, thus, making it sound like... I think I'd leave it at that. 

And there are a few more. But I’ll stop at these, lest these begin to sound like a ‘force fit’.

Queueueueueue...

Well, Indian railways, or rather its commuters never stops surprising me. And true to a tradition of this blog, here’s another one dedicated to Indian Railways! If you are a frequent commuter in Mumbai (which of course means a lot of local-train travelling if you are ‘not elite’ like yours truly), you would be no stranger to never-ending, never-moving queues. And every queue would always witness one woman trying to ‘flirt’ her way in getting a ticket from someone who has stood for 45 minutes and reached the counter window, one guy going right up in front to buy coupons or to update his ATVM card and finally, someone trying to sneak right up in the front.

1. The first category in the previous sentence usually always gets a conditions-applied ‘Yes’ from a guy, who believes the girl’s going to come back to thank him and befriend him for life. Get real guys – all she was concerned was to get that ticket to run and catch that 8:43 CST fast! It’s not because she found you ‘cute’. She just found you to be the most ‘foolable’ among the lot! Of course, the condition to the ‘yes’ answer depends on whether the girl is young, beautiful and unmarried. The saree-clad fairer gender may not be as lucky!
2. The second category contains a group of people, who are perfectly within their right to be at the window, or at least the Railways have made it out to be. This group wouldn’t budge under the pressure of those who think they’re breaking the rules by intruding into their territory. However, these guys have to endure these silent curses from people, who by now, with slightest provocation, could use any heavy object they find nearby.
3. The third category has to be the most irritating lot. If caught sneaking in, and in 9/10 times they do get caught, these guys are recipients to some awesome music, exclusively available from born and bred Mumbaikars. I apologise that none of the lyrics of this music could be replicated here, purely because this is a family blog (or so I think since not even my family takes pain to read this). The music which starts off purely as a melody soon turns rhythmic with its tempo increasing as it goes on. To those who belong to this category – best of luck. Don’t try your stunts in Mumbai!

There are of course others too who could make it to these lists – cousins/distant relatives/long-lost twin of the one at the counter; animals and pests (the real ones) like dogs, rats and roaches, not necessarily to buy tickets; the ones who just got a change coming back to the counter to collect their ticket, etc etc! These reasons should be enough for you understand why I was astounded when I saw a queue being followed religiously – not at a ticket counter, but at a platform itself in Dombivli. Women (YES! Women!) standing in a queue to get into a train’s First Class Ladies Compartment! Yes, you can go back and read that again. Am I in Mumbai? Am I in India? Are things changing? Let me not jump too far!

Overheard: A local train chat!

Overheard this conversation in the train today:
Fan A: Arre, Sri Lanka Pakistan final mein aayega! Aur dekh, Sri Lanka jeetega dekh! (Sri Lanka & Pakistan will play the finals and Sri Lanka will come out victorious)
Fan B: Nahi! Pakistan maarega yeh baar! (Nope! It will be Pakistan this time.)
Fan A: Abbey, Sri Lanka dekh LTTE ko udaa diya. Abhi Pakistan ko udaayega (Sri Lanka has just finished LTTE. Now it’s Pakistan’s turn)
Fan B: Arrey Pakistan poora duniya ko udaa raha hain! Phir Sri Lanka kaunsi badee baath hain! (Pakistan is finishing off the entire world, then what can Sri Lanka do to them!)