Healthy Life in 2014: Learning from our brands

I learnt a lot in 2013. Yet, if I had sharply heard what some of our popular brands were crying out loud, I probably would have starved my family doctor. So in 2014, here's what you need to do to lead a healthy life. Apart from what they claim to do, there are some hidden meanings we can explore:

Brush twice a day with Colgate/Pepsodent.
In case your food lacks that saltiness or tanginess, they have added Salt and Lemon. Just insert some paste into that cavity and use, when needed.

Drink milk with Horlicks/Complan/Boost.
So you can be the next guy who will read out an emotional Thank You Speech at Wankhede. But you’d definitely be taller.

Have Kellogg’s for breakfast.
For that perfect figure which will make us wear that red saree/salwar. Get inspired, my eight-in-one family pack tummy!

Bath daily with Lifebuoy/Dettol.
So you can jump around in a gutter, bath in mud for the rest of the day. And then, Docs themselves have started giving soaps for tablets.

Have Sunlight Marie for evening snack.
So you can defeat your kids and a lousy spouse in badminton.

Drink Red Label tea.
So you can skip breakfast, lunch and dinner and still be fresh and energized enough. Never mind the acidity.

Drink Water from Aquaguard/Kent Water Purifier.
Because infants love that, you know. Wait till (and if) they grow up!

Chill around in a room with Voltas Air Conditioner.
It also, apparently, keeps the wife cool as you stretch and watch her slog in the house.

Have some food from a LG Frost Free Refrigerator.
So you can fool your wife into a dinner date at home with a week-old (or more) food!

Wash your dishes with Vim Liquid.
So hardcore non-veggies like me don’t get to taste some veggies that were eaten from the same plate a week back. But then, we would be totally okay with that Vim Liquid that wasn’t washed off.

Switch on Good Knight Active Mode or Spray around 'Kaala' Hit.
Because, one mosquito is enough. No, not that Nana Patekar dialogue. Also, ‘Active Mode’ keeps the mosquito away from sitting on the machine itself!

Spray 'Laal Hit'.
Because Roaches love to have a party at night on your plates. This will make them see red!

Wipe your floor with Lizol.
Because that’s where your babies love to lick. Changing diapers becomes secondary after this.

Wash your toilet with Harpic.
Because those green animated germs don’t look cute inside a commode. They deserve to die.

After  all these, if you still find yourself waiting for a doctor’s appointment while you cough, sneeze and choke to death, no worries! Have a Coco Cola, and share the happiness!